Dear ESPN,
Thank you for responding to my prior letter. We, the sport fans in America, are very appreciative. Now, I wish I could ask that you would not play any more highlights of the humiliating lose yesterday to the Giants, but that is part of sports. Have a great day.
Proud to be an ESPN Junkie,
Josh Ross
(Below is the return letter from ESPN)
Dear Mr. Ross,
We appreciate your loyalty to our network and we look forward to providing you and other fans with up to date sporting news for many years to come.
We took into consideration the concerns that you expressed on November 15th. You were one of the millions of letters/emails that we received in regard to OJ Simpson and Alex Rodriquez.
In regard to OJ, he has formed a habit of being arrested quit regularly. As a network committed to providing up to date news, we must share the information concerning his arrests, but we will do so briefly. We have decided, in conjunction with your letter, to not send our legal experts to follow his case. Also, as an ESPN team, we have made it a company policy that "OJ news" will not receive more than 15 seconds of airing. We hope you will be satisfied with our commitments.
In regard to Alex Rodriquez (pAy-Rod), we didn't know that the American fan base felt the way they do towards him. We thought that we were the only ones that had a distaste for this physically-gifted, yet mentally week, superstar. His arrogance and money-driven tactics have alienated him from the members of our network. His deal with the Yankees came as a shock, but it solidified one thing--since he is returning to the Yankees, this guarantees that the Evil Empire will not be in a World Series for the next decade. If you have noticed, we haven't given him playing time in a while, and we don't plan to anytime soon.
Again, thank you for your commitment to our network. Let us know if you have any other concerns.
Sincerely,
ESPN
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6 comments:
Josh,
Since you're "in" with ESPN, could you ask them if they have any inside information on when baseball might adopt a salary cap?
I'll call up my pals today. :)
(Hopefully everyone knows that I wrote out of fun)
Josh
So who do you plan to root for now that Dallas lost? I wonder if anything can stop the New England Patriots!!!
I am glad we are having a baby girl, because if we had a boy, I was in a quandry of trying to decide between the names Alex and OJ. Thanks!
Boss,
you need a vacation.
Anonymous,
I'm pulling for Green Bay!
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